Read Genesis 2
23-25 The Man said,
"Finally! Bone of my bone,
flesh of my flesh!
Name her Woman
for she was made from Man."
Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.
The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame. (The Message)
"Finally! Bone of my bone,
flesh of my flesh!
Name her Woman
for she was made from Man."
Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.
The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame. (The Message)
This is a passage that I regularly use as a part of weddings. I believe that it has a great deal to say to us about what it means to be real with one another both in marriages as well as in other relationships. While being naked can be a physical reality is is also an emotional reality that suggests a deep sense of vulnerability. In a marriage relationship or in a deep spiritual friendship vulnerability is a necessity for growth. What stands out for me is that God has designed us to be vulnerable within specific relationships and it is that vulnerability that builds a connection that binds us together.
It is difficult to be vulnerable in our relationships and we should realize that the number of people who we are going to be willing to be completely vulnerable with is relative small. (Maybe 3 to 5 at the most if we are really trusting.) Even though it is difficult it is also necessary and each of us should be intent on finding those few people who we can be completely honest and ourselves with. It won't happen overnight because trust takes time to develop.
How do you know when you have a relationship that is truly open and that you can take the risk of being vulnerable? I believe that the shame issue is a primary indicator of the depth of the relationship. Shame is what other people do to make you feel guilty for who you are, it is a false guilt, and makes you feel unloved or even worthy of being loved. Shame makes you hide your ideas, feelings, dreams, and desires because you don't want to risk being hurt. Vulnerability allows you to risk sharing your deepest thoughts with the knowledge that even if the person you share with doesn't agree or even like them they will continue to love you because of who you are in God's eyes. It is this kind of relationship that we are made for in marriages, among close spiritual friends, and about all with God.
It is difficult to be vulnerable in our relationships and we should realize that the number of people who we are going to be willing to be completely vulnerable with is relative small. (Maybe 3 to 5 at the most if we are really trusting.) Even though it is difficult it is also necessary and each of us should be intent on finding those few people who we can be completely honest and ourselves with. It won't happen overnight because trust takes time to develop.
How do you know when you have a relationship that is truly open and that you can take the risk of being vulnerable? I believe that the shame issue is a primary indicator of the depth of the relationship. Shame is what other people do to make you feel guilty for who you are, it is a false guilt, and makes you feel unloved or even worthy of being loved. Shame makes you hide your ideas, feelings, dreams, and desires because you don't want to risk being hurt. Vulnerability allows you to risk sharing your deepest thoughts with the knowledge that even if the person you share with doesn't agree or even like them they will continue to love you because of who you are in God's eyes. It is this kind of relationship that we are made for in marriages, among close spiritual friends, and about all with God.
Some thoughts to ponder and share with others:
- When you were growing up what did the ideal marriage look like?
- What positive relationships have you had modeled for you in your life? Why did these relationships stand out for you?
- How might you define the difference between shame and guilt?
- What relationships do you have that you might risk being more vulnerable within?
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